Afternoon Picnic

Thought it was about time I put some 'photos of me doing things' rather than 'photos of a place I've been to', so here is this weekends celebrations for Daisys second birthday.  Had in the park, in the sunshine with a BBQ (with about a gazillion other people in the park doing the same thing, first summer-ish day of the year and all).

Although, I did spend most of my time doing this (sans shadow finger up my nose), lying down, doing nothing (apart from eating and chatting shit).

Daisy had plenty of fun though.

Recent Random Picture Findings

A bakery in the local-ish shopping mall.  Seems fairly normal.  But look closer.  Look at the pictures on the wall.  Yes, body builder types, both male and female in various Conan - The Barbarian poses.  What the fuck indeed, especially when (as you can see) the clientèle is usually around 70 years of age.

I know its a fairly low budget film, English made and such.  But seriously, the budget for Berlin stretches to taping posters to trees?

No no, its fine, just write FUCK directly on your sign.  People don't know that word much outside of English speaking countries.

First outside coffee of the year.

I do love Berlin.

TempleHouses and Hamburgers

I've been off on a couple of outings of late, one to Tempelhof Airport and the other to Hamburg.  Not for any particular reason other than to simply see the places, leaving me lacking in any sarcastic quips for the moment.

Tempelhofs

One's viewing of Tempelhof was part of an organised, English speaking, guided tour.  Which when I first heard about it sounded like an awesome day out, go and see the big ol' city airport with its huge ominous buildings and big imposing rooms, excellent.  But, the problem being that whilst there are these types of areas, for the most part its 1970's looking offices and empty corridors.

Plus, the tour guide was a little on the abrasive side.  He spent pretty much the whole time doing one of two things : Telling us how bad it was that construction was never completed on the airport because Germany lost the war (with a few snarky comments at those pesky English bombers) and how the Germans of the 1960's and 1970's ruined the vision of the airport (ie. the vision from the 1930's and 1940's).  Me thinks he had a little bit of nostalgia for a certain political movement of the past.

former nazi

We did go down into the basement though (the coolest part of the tour) and look at an old bunker that still had fire damage from WW2.  Then we looked at some pipes in the boiler room (the wankest part of the tour).  All in all, worth it though.

Hamburgs

Hamburg was a bit of a random, lets go to a nearby city thats easy and quick to get to, type of trip.  Never really had any great desire to go there as such (as I never did for Berlin).  But, the place did surprise me and turn out to actually be worth a visit, definitely putting it up there as my second favourite city in Germany and giving me more cause to go and visit places that I don't want to go to, they all seem to be the best places.  Didn't do a whole lot there other than sight see, drink coffee and stay in a rather dodgy hotel with knackered 1970's furniture, carpets and paintings.  Containing the worst bathroom I've seen in Western Europe (the 'privacy' on the window went up about 75% to give people in the apartments across the road lots of topless shots of guests) :

Very Bad WC!

My favourite thing of all though was the architecture :

The only bad part about the whole place was the Reeperbahn.  I'd been told about this 'biggest red light district in europe' before, and pictured something along the lines of the Amsterdam one, which whilst being disturbing is intriguing and safe enough to walk around.  The Reeperbahn, however, was a completely different animal.

I think the only way I can describe it is if you build a picture of it in your head.  Try and imagine you're walking down a long street, now cover the floor of the street in squashed fries and burgers, cigarette butts and chewing gum.  Now throw in a smattering of homeless people and a couple of wizened crack addicts ambling around.  Line the sides of the street with seedy looking strip joints and shifty bars, manning each one with either a bruiser doorman or a sleezy mofo trying to entice victims inside (with the occasional mafioso looking type).  Smatter in a few prostitutes walking around with dildo's in their hand, and then for the final icing on the cake, fill the rest of the street with groups of 4 to 10 drunken English men (of the type who think football is something more than moronic sheep excrement) all stumbling around trying to start fights and bottle each other.

shitsville

So, throw in a nobhead screwing up my drink order and then being a complete cock about it (all at the worst bar in existence) and the night out that there wasn't the best one ever.

fuck you reeperbahn

But, thankfully, that was just one night.  The rest of the trip and the rest of Hamburg was pretty good, although my favourite places there were basically Berlin.

Karaoke - Berlin Style

The End of Der Schnee

This was taken on the 14th March, fecking snow.

I've actually forgotten what life is like without seeing at least a little bit of snow every day, every time i venture out into the wilderness I have a little look around, "Maybe that big pile thats in the courtyard has finally melted!" I  think, but it always ends in a "Oh, no, theres still a little dribble of the shit left".  Not that I really mind the snow per-say, just, a bit of change would be nice.  Saying that, the last week or so here has been some classic English winter weather, a bit grey with little drips of pissy rain every now and again, its made me just a little homesick.

The other thing that the retreat of the snow has done is reveal the detritus thats been gathering underneath.  Mostly it appears to be all the fireworks from New Year (yes, thats how long the snow has been there) and around 4 billion mummified dog turds.

Big Pile of Snow Shit

The other remnant of the winter is enough gravel to pave the moon, all over every possible walking surface in the city.

The cost of this, 1) actually putting it repeatedly on the snow, and 2) then having to get people with brushes out to remove it all, bemuses me.  USE SOME FECKING SALT NEXT TIME.

Otherwise I've been working, drinking and spending my time learning German (and actually getting somewhere with it), not helped by things like this (which, if you hadn't guessed already, irk me some) :

Now, apart from the hilarity of catching the mong at the bottom of the pic, why oh why is the menu in Germglish.  Creamy Apple Pie next to Heisse Orange mit Ingwer.  Mixed languages indeed.  People, we're in Germany, put the menu in German!  Or in the very least pick one language and stick to it.  (on a separate note, their 'Coffee Creations' are fucking orgasmic)

My other recent quibble, are these fuckwits in the orange and yellow :

Now, I get the whole "Strap an explosive bottle to you back and grill sausages on your crotch to sell to loser tourists" thing, but why, why! are they both stood outside the entrance to Saturn facing inwards?  Do people visiting Saturn (an electronics shop for those not in the know) have a desperate need for penis shaped bun snacks?  Twats.

Other activities this month have included regular Thursday night drinks attendance :

Pool has been played (I may of potted the black when I shouldn't of) :

Pub quizzes have been won (even if it is only the one time out of many) :

and the best ice tube tray in existence has been found :

Oh, and I found this little gem in a local tacky chocolate shop :

My first thought was "Anally Raped Bunny", which perhaps says something too much about my psyche.  Others have gone for "Orgasmic Bunny", or the slightly more normal reaction of "Very Happy Bunny".  In fact, your reaction to it is a good rating of your likelihood to become a serial killer.

Photography has been taking up more and more of my time and I'm just about to start investing in some second hand film cameras, hopefully (if I enjoy the whole analog world again) leading to getting a little dark room going for my own developing.  Although, to enjoy them on here, I'd be taking a film picture, developing it, taking a picture of it with a digital camera and then uploading it.  A process I think I'll sadistically rather enjoy.

Went to an abandoned NSA listening post a few weeks back and got a couple of good pics here and there.  The most fun part was we actually had to break in place to take them.  Now, being a good English person, when doing this I assume that there will be some kind of security there, or even that the process of breaking through a fence is frowned upon.  But, then (after finding another 30 random people already there) I remembered its Berlin and such things are viewed quite differently.

Heres a selection and a few more from random city jaunts.

Yes, they are toy robots nailed to the wall behind the bar