Its Pie Time

During the past couple of months I have made two important and interesting discoveries.  One, that there is an English restaurant in Berlin serving such delights as Pie n Mash, and Two, that there are these little magical pills called Glutenase Plus (I'm not sure why they're plus, there isn't a non plus version, and I think it just translates to, Glutenase Really Good, Honest!).

The theory behind them (and I'm no scientist here, so bare with me) is that each capsule contains hundreds or little creatures, that sit waiting in your stomach for the time when you eat Gluten.  Then, they spring into action, pick out all the little gluten bits from your food, happily nomming away with the idea that then you don't have to digest them.

Sounds reasonable enough I thought, so off I went with my eyes set firmly on a Steak and Ale pie.

Step One - Consuming the Pill
As it's an English Restaurant, it seemed fitting to do this with a cup o proper English Tea.

Although, the presentation was decidedly non-english (ie. no cup handle, spatula spoon and a timer!).

I popped this pill into one's stomach and sat waiting.  Nothing seemed to happen.  Nothing seemed to be different.  I couldn't feel the pills magical ingredients worming they're way around my insides.  But, sometimes these alternative treatments require a soupçon of faith, so I decided to believe.

Step Two - The Pie
A short while later, I was presented with this.

Now, this is where I'll have to split you up into some groups.  There will be those of you saying "ooo, that looks yummy", which is correct.  But, there will be those of you saying "that looks good, but that's no pie that i know of!", which is also correct.  To me a pie should have a base and a top of shortcrust pastry, not puff pastry.  A little let down perhaps, but the filling underneath that puffy lid was rather delicious.

Step Three - The Aftermath
The time after consumption was, well, not the best.  At first it was the horrific waiting process.  With my brain bouncing between "Hmm, I wonder if I'm about to get quite ill" or "Hmm, if this works, I'm about to be very happy!".  There was the odd stomach grumble in the first 10 minutes or so, "ahh, my gluten eating minions are doing their work!", I thought hopefully.  Then a little more gurgling with a little pain.  Then I slowly realised that, alas, the first of the two options then seemed to be winning.

After some 20 or 30 minutes the cramps and pain got worse, my stomach protesting at being forced to process some poison.  Then the various other immediate symptoms hit, light headed dizziness and generally fugginess whilst my intestines went into a hissy fit.  (if you want to imagine what it's like, combine how your brain feels when you have a particularly bad flu, the inability to concentrate and weariness that takes over you, with the onset of food poisoning whilst being punched in the stomach.)

The rest of the day was spent in a non-movement state waiting for it to get worse.  But, this is the silver lining, it didn't.  For all its initial shitness, it only got to a certain point of turd and never went beyond it.  The next day I was pretty rough, like i'd just spent 5 days in a row drinking till 6am, but I wasn't still bedridden, I could actually function.  The remaining nausea and general food poisoning like symptoms were still there for a week or so, but nowhere near as severe as they usually are.

So, do they work?  Well, yes and no.  They seemed to make the whole affair less serious, but it was still too serious to be worth doing, unless I have no choice that is.  Then, they may be a life saver.