TempleHouses and Hamburgers

I've been off on a couple of outings of late, one to Tempelhof Airport and the other to Hamburg.  Not for any particular reason other than to simply see the places, leaving me lacking in any sarcastic quips for the moment.

Tempelhofs

One's viewing of Tempelhof was part of an organised, English speaking, guided tour.  Which when I first heard about it sounded like an awesome day out, go and see the big ol' city airport with its huge ominous buildings and big imposing rooms, excellent.  But, the problem being that whilst there are these types of areas, for the most part its 1970's looking offices and empty corridors.

Plus, the tour guide was a little on the abrasive side.  He spent pretty much the whole time doing one of two things : Telling us how bad it was that construction was never completed on the airport because Germany lost the war (with a few snarky comments at those pesky English bombers) and how the Germans of the 1960's and 1970's ruined the vision of the airport (ie. the vision from the 1930's and 1940's).  Me thinks he had a little bit of nostalgia for a certain political movement of the past.

former nazi

We did go down into the basement though (the coolest part of the tour) and look at an old bunker that still had fire damage from WW2.  Then we looked at some pipes in the boiler room (the wankest part of the tour).  All in all, worth it though.

Hamburgs

Hamburg was a bit of a random, lets go to a nearby city thats easy and quick to get to, type of trip.  Never really had any great desire to go there as such (as I never did for Berlin).  But, the place did surprise me and turn out to actually be worth a visit, definitely putting it up there as my second favourite city in Germany and giving me more cause to go and visit places that I don't want to go to, they all seem to be the best places.  Didn't do a whole lot there other than sight see, drink coffee and stay in a rather dodgy hotel with knackered 1970's furniture, carpets and paintings.  Containing the worst bathroom I've seen in Western Europe (the 'privacy' on the window went up about 75% to give people in the apartments across the road lots of topless shots of guests) :

Very Bad WC!

My favourite thing of all though was the architecture :

The only bad part about the whole place was the Reeperbahn.  I'd been told about this 'biggest red light district in europe' before, and pictured something along the lines of the Amsterdam one, which whilst being disturbing is intriguing and safe enough to walk around.  The Reeperbahn, however, was a completely different animal.

I think the only way I can describe it is if you build a picture of it in your head.  Try and imagine you're walking down a long street, now cover the floor of the street in squashed fries and burgers, cigarette butts and chewing gum.  Now throw in a smattering of homeless people and a couple of wizened crack addicts ambling around.  Line the sides of the street with seedy looking strip joints and shifty bars, manning each one with either a bruiser doorman or a sleezy mofo trying to entice victims inside (with the occasional mafioso looking type).  Smatter in a few prostitutes walking around with dildo's in their hand, and then for the final icing on the cake, fill the rest of the street with groups of 4 to 10 drunken English men (of the type who think football is something more than moronic sheep excrement) all stumbling around trying to start fights and bottle each other.

shitsville

So, throw in a nobhead screwing up my drink order and then being a complete cock about it (all at the worst bar in existence) and the night out that there wasn't the best one ever.

fuck you reeperbahn

But, thankfully, that was just one night.  The rest of the trip and the rest of Hamburg was pretty good, although my favourite places there were basically Berlin.

Karaoke - Berlin Style

The End of Der Schnee

This was taken on the 14th March, fecking snow.

I've actually forgotten what life is like without seeing at least a little bit of snow every day, every time i venture out into the wilderness I have a little look around, "Maybe that big pile thats in the courtyard has finally melted!" I  think, but it always ends in a "Oh, no, theres still a little dribble of the shit left".  Not that I really mind the snow per-say, just, a bit of change would be nice.  Saying that, the last week or so here has been some classic English winter weather, a bit grey with little drips of pissy rain every now and again, its made me just a little homesick.

The other thing that the retreat of the snow has done is reveal the detritus thats been gathering underneath.  Mostly it appears to be all the fireworks from New Year (yes, thats how long the snow has been there) and around 4 billion mummified dog turds.

Big Pile of Snow Shit

The other remnant of the winter is enough gravel to pave the moon, all over every possible walking surface in the city.

The cost of this, 1) actually putting it repeatedly on the snow, and 2) then having to get people with brushes out to remove it all, bemuses me.  USE SOME FECKING SALT NEXT TIME.

Otherwise I've been working, drinking and spending my time learning German (and actually getting somewhere with it), not helped by things like this (which, if you hadn't guessed already, irk me some) :

Now, apart from the hilarity of catching the mong at the bottom of the pic, why oh why is the menu in Germglish.  Creamy Apple Pie next to Heisse Orange mit Ingwer.  Mixed languages indeed.  People, we're in Germany, put the menu in German!  Or in the very least pick one language and stick to it.  (on a separate note, their 'Coffee Creations' are fucking orgasmic)

My other recent quibble, are these fuckwits in the orange and yellow :

Now, I get the whole "Strap an explosive bottle to you back and grill sausages on your crotch to sell to loser tourists" thing, but why, why! are they both stood outside the entrance to Saturn facing inwards?  Do people visiting Saturn (an electronics shop for those not in the know) have a desperate need for penis shaped bun snacks?  Twats.

Other activities this month have included regular Thursday night drinks attendance :

Pool has been played (I may of potted the black when I shouldn't of) :

Pub quizzes have been won (even if it is only the one time out of many) :

and the best ice tube tray in existence has been found :

Oh, and I found this little gem in a local tacky chocolate shop :

My first thought was "Anally Raped Bunny", which perhaps says something too much about my psyche.  Others have gone for "Orgasmic Bunny", or the slightly more normal reaction of "Very Happy Bunny".  In fact, your reaction to it is a good rating of your likelihood to become a serial killer.

Photography has been taking up more and more of my time and I'm just about to start investing in some second hand film cameras, hopefully (if I enjoy the whole analog world again) leading to getting a little dark room going for my own developing.  Although, to enjoy them on here, I'd be taking a film picture, developing it, taking a picture of it with a digital camera and then uploading it.  A process I think I'll sadistically rather enjoy.

Went to an abandoned NSA listening post a few weeks back and got a couple of good pics here and there.  The most fun part was we actually had to break in place to take them.  Now, being a good English person, when doing this I assume that there will be some kind of security there, or even that the process of breaking through a fence is frowned upon.  But, then (after finding another 30 random people already there) I remembered its Berlin and such things are viewed quite differently.

Heres a selection and a few more from random city jaunts.

Yes, they are toy robots nailed to the wall behind the bar

Berlinaling

Some of you may not be aware that Februrary is the month of the Berlinale International Film Festival, apparently one of the bigger of the worlds film festivals, up there with cannes and sundance et al (although I did read this on the festival website, and by that measure, every festival is one of the big ones).  So, there were a gazillion films on of late and apparently many big super hollywood stars here in Berlin for said festival.

Most of which, I missed out on.  One, because I failed to appreciate just how many people were coming and just how fast tickets would sell out (shutter island sold out in around 45 seconds).  And two because the emphasis was put upon people queuing up for tickets at silly little ticket booths like its still 1976, the internet/automation is still something rarely used here.  But!  I did manage to get some tickets, bought online, but I then had to go all the way to the cinema to pick them up (from the same place where they sell normal tickets).  Have they not heard of the postal service?  or at least printers/scanners?

All in all though it was quite enjoyable.  Watching a film in a huge cinema with lots of other film enthusiasts is a different experience.  Everyone seemed to engage with the film more and it was more like watching theatre than cinema (even to the silly point of the audience clapping at the beginning, throughout and at the end of the film).  A bit more of a communal experience.

So, what have I learnt?  Next year to go and queue up for tickets and be on the ball a bit more, buying every ticket in sight!

Otherwise, not a whole lot out of the ordinary has been happening.  Just more coffee drinking and photo taking.

This is the street I live on.  Yes, it is as noisy, busy and shitty as it looks.

But fortunately all the streets around it are not.

Pricks on a Train

I had, until today, thought that the bemusing pastime of listening to shitty music, played through shitty tinny mobile speakers, on public transport was something of a London centric occurrence.  But, after getting on the M10 to go down to a second hand shop in Friedrichshain, I was confronted by two of the little grunting twats, comparing their collection of aurally offensive excreta.  Playing one, then babbling on about how amazing it was before the infuriating gesture was repeated in reverse.  All the time giggling away, seemingly having the time of their little, insignificant lives.

During my next German lesson, I'm going to learn how to say "Oi, moronic pricks, turn that shit off before I ram those phones down your throats".

Ok.  So, I may be exaggerating my annoyance for comedic effect (after all, they were only on the same tram as me for two stops).  But in general the trip itself was a bit of a bust.  After eventually finding the second hand shop, I went in and was greeted by what appeared to be, from all accounts, a tramp.  He showed me his vast array of gleaming guitars, priced from 100 euros up to 210.  The 100 euro guitar was a putrid red colour and had been dropped off the wall once, meaning the back corner was cracked, hence the super cheap price of 100 euros!  Bargin.

I did realise I've not been to McDonalds in a very long time too.  They just haven't enticed me in, even if they are as lovely and communist as this one.

Day 254 - Normalised Berlin Life

The fact that life here in Berlin has taken on an air of normalcy, making blogging about it seem mildly out of place, should, I guess, be treated with jubilation. Two thirds of a year have passed, I now have a permanent apartment, lots of furniture/nick nacks and a good group of friends. I've settled in to a fairly regular routine, discovered (mostly) where to buy the decent food and mein Deutsch Studien laufen gut. My point being that life has become ordinary here, not that it being so is a bad thing, my ordinary life here is a world away from my ordinary life in Warrington.

But, of course, there are (and I think always will be) curiosities about Germany in general and Berlin specifically. Whilst irritating at the time, they do mostly keep things interesting.

Being Serviced by Germans

There is a distinct cultural difference here in regards to customer service. Most people perceive this as customer service here is shit, or people don't give a shit, that they've got far better things to be doing than be serving a piece of crap such as yourself. Personally, I prefer things here, its more of a take control of your own shit attitude. If you want something in a restaurant or shop, do something about it, don't expect the staff to be living their life waiting on your every move. The only downside is a lot of companies have the attitude that you are lucky to be able to pay them money, they are providing a service and you should damn well appreciate how good it is that they are doing so.

For instance, vodafone called me up to offer me a new fantastic deal. Cheaper texts and calls!! Fucking Awesome I thought, I've been a pay as you talk customer with them for some time now, and they are offering me a few incentives to stay with them (ie. like they do in the UK). So, the lady on the phone explained just how much cheaper they were (about a whole 25%!) but then slipped up by mentioning two things.

1. A two year contract.

2. A monthly fee.

So, they basically wanted me to sign a regular contract. There was no offer of a new phone (unless I paid a few hundred euros) and there were no free calls/texts (outside a minimum to the vodafone network, of which not many people I know use). The end result being that although the calls and texts would be cheaper, it would in no way make up for the 20 euros a month I'd be paying. End result, I'd be spending more money. I pointed out the lunacy of such a scheme but it didn't sink in, she just couldn't grasp the concept. I just hope I had a rather moronic call operator rather than this being the norm.

Shopping

One, there are no huge supermarkets here. No Tescos, Asdas or Sainsburys. Now. In this world of anti-globilisation, you'd think that this is a good idea. Keep those big evil corporations out! But in reality, its just irritating. Yes, I can go to a local supermarket and buy regular food. But thats it, theres nothing special or out of the ordinary there. To get anything mildly exotic (hummous counts as such a thing here) you have to go to a small specialty shop. Which is great, I love small cooky little shops that have an odd eclectic range of bit n bobs. But as its a small shop, its near impossible to find and secondly, near impossible to remember where it was after you find it and what exactly it was that they stocked. The end result being that I spend far more hours each week than I should just looking for shit. I'd much rather suck on the giant corporate cock of tesco and do everything all at once in an easy and convenient place.

But there are a few little gems here and there, shops where you get things you wouldn't get in any supermarket in the UK, imported goods etc. Still, I'd like to be able to buy a normal (ie. non paprika) bag of crisps with hummous easily now and again.

Winter in Berlin

During the summer, I had a thousand people tell me "What?!?! You've never been here for a Berlin winter before. Fuck me, you're in for a nightmareish trip to hell and back". Now, as I've had people bitching and moaning at me about 'the cold' for my entire life, I took these prophecies with a pinch of salt. What exactly could there be thats so unexpected and bad? Winter, its cold, rains, mostly cloudy and it occasionally snows. The only thing that would constitute a hellish time would be if the entire city decided heating wasn't needed anymore.

So, when winter arrived and it turned out to be one of the worst the city (and I believe, the northern hemisphere) has had in years, I was a little disappointed. Sure, it gets down to -10 or -15degC a fair amount of the time. It snows quite a lot, melts and then refreezes creating an irritating ice rink across 95% of all pavements and for the most part, its grey and cloudy. But, to be honest, its allright. The cold air wakes one up and aslong as you're not a complete retard and wear correct clothes and shoes with, get this, GRIP on them! Its not so much a problem. Infact, I quite like most of it. So, as ever, it turns out that most people are just whiny little girls who go running home to mummy crying every time the temperature drops below 20degC. Losers.

Perhaps the most irritating thing though is that this, above, is what they do to cope with ice here. Put gravel on it. Just gravel. So instead of it being 98% slippy, its now only 96% slippy. Excellent job fuckwits.

The Good Things in Life

Now, after reading that big bitch fest at all the whiny people here in Berlin, you'd think that I'm disliking living here, or that I have taken a dislike to things in general. The opposite is most definitely true, its just, I do love a good moan. I guess its nostalgia, my Britishness wanting to poke its head out with an occational 'Now, just you listen here young chap, when we ran the world we didn't do it this way'.

My favourite coffee shop, where I do most of my writing, studying and general bumming around is still my favourite. Despite being mildly chain like.

Its very brown. And I quite like that.

Thursday night drinks are still every Thursday and still involve drinks.

And Daisy is still popping up now and again, being cute and demanding to be fed 24/7.

Wheres my food bitch?

For the most part, I'm out 5 or 6 nights a week, eating good food in restaurants, having a good laugh with friends and occasionally consuming much more vodka than I should be (which, thankfully for my liver, is far less than I was doing last year). Most pleasant indeed.

So, I'll leave you with a few further pictures of Berlin. The picture a day idea has died a death for the moment by the way, until I can come up with some better ideas than "oh, I'm sat in a restaurant/drinking a coffee and have just remembered to take a picture. Hmm, that wall/cup looks nice".