It Begins

What I'm talking about is this.

For those of you that don't know what the word Feuerwerk means, you're a moron, just look at the pictures and think of what it sounds like.  Now, for those of you that are wondering why I'm dedicating an entire post to such a thing, let me educate you.

You see, I have experience of fireworks in 3 separate countries.  America, where they have a giant shitfit of fireworks ballsing into the sky for July 4th.  Its all very organised and controlled by official officials as America mostly is.  Making it limited to a small number of areas, but the result being that those areas seem to contain an inordinate amount of explosives.  ie. big and fooking loud, as America has been known to be.

In the UK, where our giant firework spew is on November 5th, Bonfire night, where we also tend to burn giant effigies of a guy that died hundreds of years ago, which has the effect of making the night quite macabre (picture standing around a giant bonfire, eating sweets with one hand, holding a sparkler in the other, going 'ooo' and 'ahhh' at fireworks exploding over head and at the same time as all this joy and frivolity the representation of a man being burned to death plays itself out slowly off to the side).  As its the UK, things get a little more violent and dangerous, people tend to have their own fireworks which they let off in their gardens and occasionally fuck up and/or purposely fire into the streets.

Now, this may sound a little scary, but in the UK its not really.  You are in little danger of being shot at or hit by fireworks (unless you have a friend who doesn't get that rockets need to go in a tube and not straight into the ground, thus making them explode in said garden).  A little bit more edgy, but all well and good.

Then we get to Germany, and more specifically Berlin.  I don't know what happens to the German psyche for New Year, or what events have happened in the past to generate this social tumour, but basically, a lot of people here go homicidally insane for New Year and start firing fireworks at each other in the street.  Literally.  I'm not exaggerating.  Now, I'm thinking (and hence bringing up the other two countries first) that there isn't really another time for fireworks here, all that pent up rocket firing and exploding joy.  Its like the city has gone without for a year and goes freaking mental jizzing fireworks everywhere without any regard to basic safety.

So, tomorrow night, all over the streets there will be fireworks going off in the streets.  Last year whilst riding on the tram they were being fired at the tram, exploding on the windows.  Walking anywhere is a nightmare of constantly looking for things landing near you and dodging flying rockets.

I don't understand it, and its not fun, but its ok really.  Its just Berlin.

Thoughts on a Berliner Wintertime

I find myself rather enjoying all the snow again this year (at least for the time being, if it sticks around for 3 months I'll change my mind) and after the acquisition of a 1tb USB3 external hard drive (ie. big enough to contain everything I have ever done in my digital life), have been spending lots more time traipsing around to cafes with a laptop in tow.  I know this may sound slightly obvious, but theres something to sitting in a cafe surrounded by strangers, all babbling to each other, that makes working away on a computer a little more palatable.  Its not exactly more social (I'm not exactly babbling back at them) but has the feeling that there are infact other humans in the world.  Something that can easily be forgotten when working from home often.

*Nerdness*

The best part of all this though, is the hard drive itself, it leaves me thinking, why didn't they invent USB 3 years ago?  Why have we had to put up with USB 2's interminable speed (if such a word can be used).  I now have an external hard drive that is every bit as fast as one's internal ones, meaning syncing with the laptop is now a delightful breeze.  Bliss and Portability abound.

*/Nerdness*

I was today working from this place (they have lewd drawings on the ceiling)

drinking this (noms)

when, looking out of the window, I saw this

Yes, someone actually removing the 2 inches of ice from the pavement.  Bravo!! I thought.  Then I realised he was just clearing the pavement next to the tram stop.  Wankola!  But I have seen some paths cleared in the snow at various points around the area, so there is hope.  Just maybe, maybe, they've got their arse in gear this time, purchased a few of these rather simple looking machines and are actually not going to just pour useless gravel onto the ice rink of a city.

Just to the right of this, there is a building under renovation.  A little trick that the builders/owners do to make a little more money is to rent out the space on the front of all the scaffolding, therefore irritating people greatly, especially the ones that have to live across the road.  Now, the actual content of it doesn't bother me in the slightest, as I'd prefer to be outside of the advert than in it (beaches suck ass), but this must be really cruel to those desiring a sunkissed life :

Poor people.  Evil ad agencies.

I've also noticed that people have a real tendency here to just stick random art based crap everywhere

Its awesome.

Why is this dog sat there?

Silly dog, you're not a car!

Elsewise today, I bought a Christmas Tree (proper tree, not one of those plastic efforts) and various bits of christmas tat.

Top Ass

I went for a little wander around the Kollwitzplatz "Eco" Christmas Market yesterday.  For the most part it was pretty wank (unless you want to look like a giant knitted hippy), and I'm not too sure what was so Eco about it, the tat was the usual tat.

But, I did spy these in one of the "Eco" stores

Now, yes, I know, ha ha, they say Top Ass and in (albeit Americanised) English that is funny (well, yes, it really is).  But why are these type of cards so obsessed with peoples posteriors? In England they are called :

Now, for those not of English learnings, to "Trump" is to pass wind from the rectum.

Just makes ya think don't it?

Square Red Boxes

What are these and why are they all over the city?  I do get the overwhelming urge to stand in the middle of one whenever I see it, but to no avail.  Its not a better view of anything.  I can't hear anything more.  I'm not transported off to an alien spaceship.  Just bupkis.

Someone has gone to a bit of trouble to walk around putting them down (I think I've seen about 10 or 20 of them so far in most sectors of the city).  But WHY?

Though, the sky did turd a huge heap o snow last night so theres not much point worrying about it until they re-appear in 4 months along with a gazillion preserved dog land mines.

Back to the Winter

The first snow fell the other day, signifying (at least in my mind) that start of a new winter.  Quite why snow coming does this for me, I'm not too sure, as it never actually fell much in the UK to start off winters there.

So far its just a slight smattering of snow, lame snow that only wants to stick to cars and has a distinct oversion to staying on the ground (unless that ground is road works, they put a special coating on their equipment so that they have an excuse to leave everything for the entire winter).  Nothing that has gotten in the way of traversing the city.  Nothing as bad as it was last year when there was a permenant 2 inch thick layer of ice coating 95% of all walking surfaces.

I've heard its going to get just as bad this year.  But that isn't such a big deal, I'm going to buy some boots, problem solved.  What I'm not looking forward to is the chorus of whinge that will be hurled by most other human beings.

I know I've writen about it before, but it still bugs me.  I get that complaining sooths the soul, its cathartic and nice for the most part.  But the constant, endless, incesant whine I don't quite get.  Surely people are just making themselves more misserable with the bitterness?  If you walk around insisting that everything is shite and its going to be for the next 5 months, surely you're going to have a bit of a wanker time of it?  Shouldn't you just enjoy the fact that you can now wear hats (in summertime, one can't look as dashing as this)

Scarfs are all around, big coats etc.  A whole new wardrobe to wear!  Maybe its that people don't understand the basic principles of dressing themselves.  That the more layers of clothing you put on, the less you feel the cold.  It sounds simple enough, but judging by how cold people get when outside, they musn't be able to fathom it.

Plus, when its now, there are christmas markets to be raided.  The first of which was done last night.

Lots of walking around, looking at the (mostly) pap that people are selling, sniffing food that smells like its only fit for a dog (and seeing happy humans scoffing it down like rabbid wolves) and drinking lots of gluhwine (yum).  Last nights treat was a little bratapfel, cooking apple for those not deutchly gifted, most tasty indeed.  Even if it did smell of wet dog (yes, there was quite a dog theme going on in the nose).  And witnessing what passed for a hot chocolate in such surroundings (a bottle of chocolate milk that had been heated in a drab grey barrel).  I did get a nice cup from it though, and I don't even care how chintzy or lame it is.

But, again, its another year where I'll have to live with the fact that I'm one of the few people actually enjoying the cold and snowy fun.


PS. If you're going to put up an English sign, at least learn how to speak good England first.

New York - Day 7 - The Bliss of Hashbrowns and Seat Bedding

The Best of the Breakfasts

As most of you may know, I'm not much of a breakfast person.  I tend to just skip straight into lunch as its usually only 2 to 3 hours after I've awoken.  Yes, I know, metabolism and most important shite of the day I hear you scream, I simply care not for it (although if I start getting up early, I may).

Thats be the grey dog.

It was the final day and I'd spied something that seemed rather tasty the day before in the wonderful Grey Dog, Hash Browns.  Oh yes.  Now we got some approximation of hash browns back in the UK, but they were more like a potato and onion based turd log that you reheated.  I'm talking about real hash browns of the kind that are rarely seen outside the shores of America.

And, as much as I prefer the service here in Berlin, its nice to say "Can I get some bacon with that", and it arrives.  Although why its on another plate is beyond me.

The coffee was quite good too, a 7.5 out of 10 on the NYCS.

More Random Wanderings

I then had around 4 hours until I had to leave for my flight.  What with having seen everywhere I want to in New York and not enough time to see any of the further out places, I went for a wander around the Meat Packing district.

Fun, but by this stage of the journey, I'd had enough walking around streets aimlessly.  So, I thought to myself "Fuck this, its time for Tu-Lu's".

Ah, if only I could drag this gorgeous amazing baking goddess of a woman back to Berlin with me.  I ate two cup cakes and bought some cookies and brownies (slipping them into one's bag for some Berlin munching).

The final visitation was Irving Coffee again, one of the few places where it was comfortable enough to sit down and relax reading a book.  I tried coffee with raspberry syrup this time, it curdled the soya milk again.  After a lengthy chat with the owners, and some experimentation, we discovered its the acid of the syrup that does it, not the heat as I'd thought for the past few months.  Useful knowledge to have.

 It did taste a bit spank though.

So I read about cold fusion for a while, and then left new york.

Seat Bed

Although, I did arrive at the airport way way way too early.  Getting on the plane though, I saw that it was pretty empty and tried to snag myself 4 seats to myself.  Unfortunately, 2 girls turned up and kicked me out of them (schiese!).  But, I caught the airplane woman (I believe they're called Air Crew now) and mentioned it to her.  She then called me over as soon as the doors were shut to give me 3 seats to myself.

 To my right.

To my left.

Awesomeness abounds.  Well, apart from the meal that is.  It was a little lacking.

There was some flying.

Then some sleeping on my makeshift bed.

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New York - Day 6 - Giving in to the Inner Tourist

Wanksville

It was my last full day in New York and I could fight my inner wank tourist no more (thats a tourist that is wank, not a tourist of all things wank related).  I had to go and visit the main tourist sights.

The first, Rockerfeller.

The ice rink I've seen in a gazillion films.  Was kind of underwhelming, as real life often is when compaired to its hollywoodised counterpart.

 I did quite like the building though.

 And to be honest, I wouldn't of gone there if it wasn't for watching 30 Rock and seeing this thing all the time.

The next 3 images sum up around 45 minutes of my life I won't get back.

 Picture representation of 'America' in its worst (and yes, I know, Timmy Ho Ho's isn't really American)

 Indeed.

The Centre of Wanksville.

Basically, I walked through and got out of there as fast as was humanly possible.  I had THE Empire State building to go and see!! WOW!! Can't Wait!!!

I got there, and this is all I could see.

That could be ANY building.  It is indeed much shitter up close.  This appears to be a building that is best viewed from a distance.  I couldn't even go inside as there were 4 guys stood near the doorway with M4A1's trying to look mean.

Next was the last of my Ghostbusters locations.  The New York Public Library!!!  Alas, it was covered with scafolding so all I could do was go "oooo, thats the lion from the film" and take a picture.  Then walk on.

The worst part of MidTown done, I got out of there.  Quickly.  Can you guess what I went to do?

Afternoon Coffee and Angry Squirrel

Next on my list was Stumptown Coffee Roasters, just around the corner.  So off I went, got there, walked in and found a counter and lots of people in a queue.  This was bad for two reasons, one, I don't want to queue, and two, I don't want to stand and drink coffee.  I guess its a New York thing, but most places were setup more for walking in, grabbing coffee and drinking it, like a moronic person, walking down the street.  "My Life is far too busy to not walk and drink".

So, I went to leave.  Which is when I saw Toby Maguire stood in the doorway of the coffee shop making strange wooping noises to a twat wearing a twat hat.  Well, least he's pretty famous.

Birch Coffee on the other hand, was a much nicer place.  And they made me this, the best cup of coffee I had in the whole trip.  A 10 out of 10 on the NYCS.

Yum indeed.

Food was required, and as most coffee shops don't do anything Gluten Free (or so I assumed), I went off to try another recommendation.  Shake Shack.

Yum (even if the fries were a bit pap and they had no mayonnaise)

Although this squirrel had issue with me eating all of my burger and fries.  The little guy got up on the table, climbed into my empty box and eyeballed me after discovering it was empty.  Most unimpressed.

Then, to the last sight seeing of the day, fortunately next door to the burger place.

Again, "oh", picture, then walk on.

Found this building after a brief walk, it reminded me of Berlin and I got homesick.  So, I had some coffee (this was hours later btw, I didn't just walk from one coffee place to the next, even if that would be a good idea)

This time Irving Coffee.  I decided to try something a little different, what with them having strawberry and raspberry syrup on the menu.  Coffee + Strawberry syrup was had.  It was.... Ok.

But, look at this photo below.  What are these little brown patties of joy?

Gluten Free Cookies, sold in a normal regular (awesome) cafe.  Bliss.

Bored Meanderings

Wandered around the city some more, having now run out of interesting stuff to do that didn't involve eating or drinking and saw this guy crossing the street.

 Yep, its spock, just walking around like he's a regular guy, wearing a green hoodie.

After a while, I got bored and was stuck waiting for my belly to get hungry again, so I went to Grey Dog.  But, just look at these people, quiff boy on the far right has to be the worst.

And had a TEA, yep, already had far too much caffeine for one day.

 Then, it was Pizza time.  Back to my favourite Gluten Free Restaurant (and the only one I've ever been).

 I decided to try something different, and it wasn't quite as good.  I like my meat crispy.

 A late night drink of Cider at my favourite (ish) bar.

 With some final, end of the day sight seeing.

 Meh.

 Oooo, I've seen that on 24!!

 And aliens trying to abduct me.

I did see my first cockroach of the trip though, freaking huge thing.